Tag Archives: Upton Girl

The Cut O’ Beef Index: Part III

27 Apr

Guest writer MemoFromTurner unveils two more cuts in his series on the Cut O’ Beef Index.  Be sure to read Part I and Part II if you haven’t already.

Cut O’ Beef: Porterhouse
Celebrity Example: Candace Parker
Song: “Long Tall Sally” by Little Richard

Our next Cut O’ Beef is the Porterhouse.  You know those restaurants that give you a free meal and put your name on the wall if you can manage to finish a massive 64-ounce steak?  Porterhouses are the female equivalent: extremely tall, often beautiful girls that are unfortunately unavailable to any guy that is not big enough to handle such a large woman.  Porterhouses have horrible anxiety about appearing goon-like while socializing with men that they dwarf and will instantly latch on to any guy that is a few inches taller than them.  This is great news for 6-foot plus guys like me who find themselves firmly locked in the sights of these Amazons desperate to unleash their pent-up insecurities and anxieties on any man tall enough to wear heels out to dinner with.  Continue reading