Tag Archives: The Fast and the Furious

The Girls of Fast Five

6 May

There are few things in life that you can depend on.  “Death and Taxes” is what old cynics say, but in reality there are a few others.  Getting blackout and commenting on who gained the most weight since high school on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, for example.  Spending hundreds of dollars more on New Year’s Eve than you wanted to because “It’s New Year’s Eve, the best night of the year” only to realize 2 hours in that NYE has literally never lived up to expectations.  Holidays come and go like clockwork, and now so do Fast and the Furious movies.  Every year, moviegoers can depend on the franchise to release an entry with every character the audience wants (whether dead or alive), six of the most ridiculous and implausible car scenes you’ll ever see in your life, and at least one scene where Vin Diesel/Paul Walker’s acting is so bad that the audience literally laughs at him in a serious scene.  Every summer, an academic on his way to that new French subtitled film that “the New Yorker just loved!” scoffs at me as I march to the theater, but why?  I can’t think of a series that more successfully gives the audience exactly what they pay $12 to see.   Continue reading