Tag Archives: Fast Five

The Girls of Fast Five

6 May

There are few things in life that you can depend on.  “Death and Taxes” is what old cynics say, but in reality there are a few others.  Getting blackout and commenting on who gained the most weight since high school on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, for example.  Spending hundreds of dollars more on New Year’s Eve than you wanted to because “It’s New Year’s Eve, the best night of the year” only to realize 2 hours in that NYE has literally never lived up to expectations.  Holidays come and go like clockwork, and now so do Fast and the Furious movies.  Every year, moviegoers can depend on the franchise to release an entry with every character the audience wants (whether dead or alive), six of the most ridiculous and implausible car scenes you’ll ever see in your life, and at least one scene where Vin Diesel/Paul Walker’s acting is so bad that the audience literally laughs at him in a serious scene.  Every summer, an academic on his way to that new French subtitled film that “the New Yorker just loved!” scoffs at me as I march to the theater, but why?  I can’t think of a series that more successfully gives the audience exactly what they pay $12 to see.   Continue reading

Girls from Transformers: Megan Fox vs. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

3 May

As   Summer is finally here: after the weekend featured two of the most exciting events of the last few years (the US laying the smackdown on Bin Laden and Fast Five coming out), its clear that the best season of the year is upon us.   Barbecues, beach trips, NBA playoffs, the U.S. Open, Fourth of July, baseball games, endless skirt days, drinking outside, and of course summer movie season all are ahead of us in the next three months.  This summer’s lineup is no different, with sequels, threequels, prequels, and all around stupid but entertaining looking shit dominating the multiplexes.  Transformers 3 is set to open July 1st on what is typically a huge box office weekend, and I’m sure this year will be no different with the third movie in a series which has made almost $2 billion worldwide.  Continue reading