Tag Archives: Beyonce

Jay-Z released a song about Blue Ivy already

9 Jan

Pretty awesome.  Beyonce had a baby yesterday (moronically named Blue Ivy), and Jay-Z immediately released a song about the event.  He also mentioned that she had a miscarriage before which sucks but is a pretty interesting thing to announce via a rap song.  Also pretty cool that he included the sounds of the baby crying in the actual song.  I can’t think of someone I’d rather be than Jay-Z (except maybe Avicii which I mentioned last week).  The guy literally flies around the world constantly to whatever the coolest party is in the world.  He hears there an amazing rave in Prague? He gets on his plane.  He wants a philly cheesesteak for late night food?  He just jumps back on the plane.  All while releasing platinum albums and touring around with his fellow millionaire grammy winning wife.  Sucks this girl’s name is Blue Ivy though, and she better hope she has some musical or acting talent because “I’d like to introduce my associate, Blue Ivy” sounds pretty stupid.

The Cut O’ Beef Index: Part IV

29 Apr

MemoFromTurner completes his epic masterpiece on the Cut O’ Beef Index, a series that has already garnered a Pullitzer prize, a Caldecott Medal, and has been nominated for the Nobel Prize for Literature.  As the other entrants are David Foster Wallace’s The Pale King and Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom, both of which are mainstream novels with the writing level of a third grader, The Cut O’ Beef Index is an early favorite.  Not since R.L. Stein’s 85 Goosebumps books has a series so inspired an entire nation.  Thanks to MemoFromTurner, you’re welcome back on NSD anytime.  If you missed Parts I-III, click here:  Part I    Part II    Part III

Cut O’ Beef: Ribeye
Celebrity Example: Christina Hendricks
Song: “Legs” by ZZ Top

Our next Cut O’ Beef is the Ribeye.  The gentle marbling of a good Ribeye steak gives the Cut its incredible texture and flavor.  Likewise, the soft curves of Ribeyes give these girls tremendous sex appeal and an unmatched joie de vivre among the various Cuts.  Celebrities like Beyonce and Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks have done much to bring this Cut back in vogue in recent years but to be honest I’m not quite sure why it ever left.  Save those 105lb twigs for lesser men; I like my women to look like, well, women.  To be blunt, I’m a tits-and-ass man myself and can appreciate the delicate art of a Ribeye that is hard in all the right places and soft in all the right places.  Furthermore, what guy doesn’t want a girl that doesn’t mind occasionally ordering a burger or splitting the wings at a bar?  Ribeyes understand that there is more to life than the endless pursuit of weight loss and don’t mind throwing back a few beers with the boys while watching the game. 

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