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Fox News and the Women that will solve all your problems

19 May

Nothing is worse than having a wife or girlfriend in your face when all you want to do is sit down on the couch, relax, and not listen to her talk about the normal crap she spits out day after day after day.  All she wants to do is show her love by bugging the crap out of you and nagging you to death to spend time with her.  It can literally be unbearable.  There is not one guy on the face of this planet that doesn’t know what I’m talking about it.  Luckily for you, I have a solution – Fox News.

Put your politics aside, Fox News has the hottest news anchors of all time.  How one news network has so many hot women consolidated into one place, I cannot tell you.  I wish I knew.  However, it combines almost 24 hours of pure joy and new-found knowledge ‘round the clock.  The question now becomes, “How does this solve any problems?”  It is one line, “Sorry honey, I’m watching the news”.  Who can argue with that?  It immediately works on several levels.

1.    Turns your laziness into an apparent productive knowledge gaining.
2.    Immediately commands “hush” environment.  Much easier to ask her to be quiet.
3.    Stimulates visual senses with the hottest girls news TV has to offer that your significant other can’t complain about.
4.    Provides a distraction to significant other while you are on your laptop reading real news at nationalskirtday.com

Basically, you are putting on the best front you can so can do what you want, when you want, all while looking at gorgeous girls, short skirts, silky smooth legs, high heels, perfectly quaffed hair, and probably some nice cleavage.  Fox news has perfected the art of the news.  Over 90% of the ladies never sit behind desks.  Every inch of these ladies from head to heel is being filmed.  You see every beautiful inch of them, and when they are in dialogue with one another, you have a smorgasbord of short skirts and long legs right in front of your very eyes.  It’s a complete overload of your senses.  So even if you baby girl was talking to you, you wouldn’t be able to hear it anyway.   Now on to the ladies…

My favorite is Juliet Huddy.

  Don’t get me wrong, its is a tough competition for the number one seat and there are numerous ladies who could easily take the spot.  Let’s take a look at them first.

Jane Skinner – who doesn’t want to get the skinny from Skinner?  Only drawback, she almost always sits behind a desk and that, for me, is a deal breaker.

Megyn Kelly – classy, sophisticated, timeless.    

Laurie Dhue – I’ve had a crush on Laurie Dhue before any of the girls on fox news.  She has been there since the beginning of the fox news woman phenomena.  She has classic style, amazing looks,  inviting smile, and girl next door personality.  Probably the only thing that is holding her back is the new long hair.   Laurie Dhue is the only woman in America where I can say the shorter hair looks amazing.   Perfectly poofed and turned up at the ends.  It was her calling card and what differentiated her from the rest of the blonds out there.  It beats long and straight any day of the week.

   

Kimberly Guilfoyle – only the hottest dark hair anchorwoman of all time.  That’s right I said it… Maria Bartiromo get out the way.  Nothing else needs to be said.   However, it should be noted that she continues to give Giraldo Rivera heart attacks on a daily basis.  In an unconfirmed report, he mentioned that being in the studio is more dangerous to his health than when he was embedded with the Marines in Afghanistan and sustaining heavy fire on a daily basis.

Courtney Friel – a controversial pick to say the least; her journalistic background is suspect at best.  She became famous after being a host for World Poker Tour.  She then piggy backed that experience to talking about the news.  I see no correlation but I don’t care.  Googling her was the next best thing to slice bread.  With countless picks of her in a bikini and a photo spread in Maxim, NSD will not argue that she isn’t qualified.  

The Winner – Juliet Huddy – I have had no doubt in my mind that she would claim top honors.

  

In fact, she inspired this post.  She really has everything.  Hot, sexy, bubbly personality…she has it all.  She is not only hot to watch but fun to watch.  Not to mention, the crazy stuff she does on the air.  Her co-hosts threw her in a pool fully clothed.  She dressed up like a hot French maid for Halloween.  She also played with some silly duck while having the camera film her at the best skirt angle of all time.  (do yourself a favor and click on the pic to enlarge)

 

All of this (and more) while being on live TV.  Also, one magical day in history, her cup size jumped from an apparent small B to a large C.  Professional augmentation can’t be confirmed, by my eyes don’t lie to me.  Even Victoria Secret, herself, can make what I saw happen – and it’s glorious.  I know in my last post I said I would sacrifice my left testicle to have coffee with Queen Rania of Jordan but I would probably give both for one night of magic with Juliet Huddy.  She has been successfully divorced three times and when you put all the facts together – she has got to be in the 90th percentile on the crazy scale.

So let’s be honest here, she’s fit for a straight jacket and you know what? I dig it.  It turns me on.  Maybe, I’m a little bit crazy too.  Maybe that is what it takes to feel a connection.  Every time I watch her, something about me feels alive inside and that is what separates her from the pack.

So gents, pour yourself a little bit of the sacrament, turn on fox news, and enjoy the show.

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4 Responses to “Fox News and the Women that will solve all your problems”

  1. Gabriel October 12, 2011 at 8:07 pm #

    Exceptional job on this report. The best yet. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Mark Eberle (@patcnewsnet) October 25, 2011 at 1:24 am #

    https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=205239366213833

    The Patriot Conservative News Tea Party Network Welcomes Kellie Turner Pharr
    one of acorn’s priorities was to infiltrate the education system
    the kids are not learning a damn thing in schools right now
    business need leadership skills
    America due to obama not learning a damn thing
    this needs to be address

  3. Katy bowman September 9, 2013 at 4:23 am #

    do you seriously think men are the only ones controlling the tv remote? CNN has class & decency. Fox has good news, but got sick of the BUTT brigade.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Links at Random | Turd Ferguson's Blog - June 1, 2011

    […] Fox News hires the hottest anchors [NationalSkirtDay] […]

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