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Five Items every Man should have for Skirt Day

24 Mar

As the best day of the year approaches rapidly, we here at NSD wanted to ensure everyone is amply prepared for what it takes to dominate your area’s skirt day.  Every skirt day, I inevitably see one idiot who clearly had no idea what day it is wandering the quad aimlessly with jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and sneakers.  So to prevent anyone from suffering that fate, below are the top ten items every man should have to fully enjoy skirt day.

1.  Sunglasses: Every man knows that sunglasses are the single most important tool for any warm weather.  As a child I never could understand sunglasses, as clearly the sun is not so powerful that it blinds anyone who dares to walk outside without glasses.  However, as I reached the age of 11 and some of my classmates mosquito bites began growing into full and ripe elmer fudds , I saw the light.   Go to the beach without sunglasses and try to look at girls and you are the creepy guy awkwardly staring; with sunglasses, you are the guy reading Time magazine (girls think you are intellectual and have opinions on politics) while you actually just blatantly stare at them.  The same goes for Skirt day.  Sunglasses are the #1 item to ensure you can look long and hard at the hot girl you never noticed sitting next to you all winter suddenly wearing a short skirt.  Both Wayfarers and aviators are generally accepted; wrap-around oakleys will make everyone think you are a wiener and possibly a serial killer.

2.  A Weather App on your phone: This is arguably the most important tool to have.  Simply checking weather.com is not enough, as those who lived through the 1986 Skirt Day Massacre can attest.  Every day for a week leading up to April 7th, 1986, men all over the country prepared for skirt day as the weather forecast pointed to a 78 and Sunny Friday afternoon.  Little did they know, around 10AM, the weather shifted and a torrential downpour covered the country, leaving men and women across the country running ducking for cover.  If these men had a weather app, they could have spared themselves the second most colossal disappointment of the century, only trailing the day Megan Fox got married.

3.  A Cameraphone: Again, this is completely integral to your enjoyment.  Your buddy is not going to give a shit about your story of the hot girl you saw in the quad that had her skirt blow up in the wind, unless you whip out your cameraphone to show him the pic you took.  Keys to success:  Make sure the mute button is on, because you are one loud CLICK away from a slap in the face and a possible sexual harassment charge.   A phone with zoom capability and high pixel count is also important.

4. A Football: Without this, you will be the guy clearly giggling to yourself as you sit and take pictures of girls walking by you.  Everyone knows when you go to the Kentucky Derby or a NASCAR event, it’s a race to get to the infield to get the best view (ie get the most fucked up).  This is no different: grab a football with your buddy and claim the best spot on the quad with the most visibility for class schedules (see below).  Make sure to get there early (11AM-12PM) as studies show peak sundress hours are 1PM-3PM (Popular Science, Spring Issue).  Start a lazy game of catch and enjoy as girls stream out of their dorms and around you, and from there, you’re in.  All the classic techniques apply here, including the overthrow to a group of girls, the impressive catch right next to a hot girl, the “hey man do a fade route I’m going to film this for video” while you are actually filming a girl walking by, etc.

5.  Class Schedule and Campus Map: As it is still months away from finals, most likely you’ve never been to class, or if you have, you are too drunk from the night before to know where you are going.  Between your campout spot on the quad and picture taking you already have a busy day, but you absolutely must go to class on skirt day.   That girl in front of you who’s been wearing a hoodie and sweat pants all year?  She’s now wearing a short skirt with a red thong. Believe me, fire up some march madness on your computer, prop your phone on your desk, and enjoy the show while your 85 year old professor reads off the slides he emailed you already.

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