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The Girls of ESPN

17 May

Growing up, there was only one kind of reporter on ESPN: the loud and witty male personality (see Chris Berman, Keith Olbermann, Rich Eisen, Stuart Scott).  Sure, some women have always had roles on ESPN, but they were strictly regulated to women’s sports and at the most, WAC college football games.  Since its launch in 1972, ESPN has grown from a tiny cable network into the worldwide leader for sports broadcasting.  One channel has given way to ESPN2, ESPNClassic, ESPNews, ESPNU, ESPN 360, ESPNtheOcho, and I’m sure many others I don’t even know exist.  From one studio in Bristol, Connecticut, the network now broadcasts from LA, Miami, New York, and Charlotte.  But the biggest change in ESPN?  The women.  A few years back WNBA announcers gave way to the best invention since that flavored popcorn powder they get you at the movie theater: the sideline reporter.  Stuck watching a Redskins-Bengals Monday Night Football game with the score 3-0 in the 3rd quarter, quick let’s cut to….Erin Andrews on the sideline!  What a breath of fresh air.  And now it’s not just sideline reporters. Women host SportsCenter, report on the NFL labor negotiations, and host their own shows.  While I am with the rest of the American male population there’s nothing worse than hearing Pam Ward commentating a game, I fully support these hot and smart women infiltrating ESPN’s male dominated culture.  As next week marks the release of Those Guys Have All the Fun, the behind-the-scenes, tell-all novel of the sports network’s humble beginnings all the way to the behomoth it is today, we here at NSD thought it was the perfect time to look at all the of the women working for ESPN today.

We’ll start with Erin Andrews, easily the hottest woman sports reporter of all time. Erin captured the hearts of college men across the country when she joined College Gameday in 2004, but it wasn’t until she was secretly filmed naked in her hotel in 2009 that she became a national sensation and beloved by all. Guys love Erin Andrews because she comes off as the girl every guy wants: a girly girl who can hang with the guys and loves watching sports. This girl is almost impossible to find.  Most girls who love sports come off as too manly, and most girly girls hate sports.  Erin Andrews straddles the line and hits her mark perfectly. Since the nude scandal Erin’s career has taken off, with a stint on Dancing With the Stars (where she looked like one of the hottest girls I’ve ever seen) and pervasive role on ESPN.

Hannah Storm has been sexing up SportsCenter for years, but common knowledge tells us that once a woman reaches her late forties, she starts to lose her body a little and starts to dress a little more conservatively.  Not her.  Hannah continues to wear short skirts, high heels, and just oozes cougerly sex on Sportscenter. Last year Tony Kornheiser said she was too old to be wearing “short skirts and go-go boots,” a comment upon which he was promptly suspended without pay, most likely just for saying something so blatantly wrong and idiotic.  Hannah Storm, we here at NSD throw our weight behind you and support your skirt wearing long into your fifties.  Just look at Helen Mirren, still looking smoking hot in her seventies.  (Am I kidding?  Am I? You’ll never know).

Rachel Nichols is a facebook faker. Mainly an NFL reporter, Rachel has a great face and smile and also is a top-notch reporter.  But she’s a facebook faker. You know those girls that put up some amateur black and white modeling pictures from four years ago as their profile picture, but when you see them they are 30 pounds heavier and look nothing like their picture?  These are Facebook fakers.  And that’s kinda like Rachel (although it’s not her fault here). ESPN shoots her from the chest up, so we’ve never had the chance to see her whole body. Unfortunately, ESPN zoomed out the other day and I saw what was hiding down there: HUGE, child bearing hips.  Unsettling to say the least.  Rachel is still a very high quality member of this group though despite what’s she’s hiding in her lower regions. Also, if you search on google don’t confuse her with the random supermodel who came up who I may devote an entire separate post to after seeing.

Sage Steele is a rising star on the network after joining in 2007.  Sage is already hosting Sportscenter, the plum job on ESPN, and wears form fitting short skirts (always approved here at NSD of course), not to mention having a name that sounds like a villain from X-Men.  Sage is very serious and honestly a little intimidating, but also seems to know how to have fun.  You know at the company parties she’s the one letting loose and getting hammered with all the guys. We expect big things from Sage.

Suzy Kolber gained most notoriety when a drunk Joe Namath said he wanted to kiss her on MNF, and could blame Joe?  Suzy Kolber (despite being a little nuggety) has a great smile, and seems to always be having fun on the sidelines.  She’s usually bundled up in NFL games so you can’t really see what her body is like, but her personality propels her near the top regardless.

Honorable mentions: Michelle Beadle is the co-host of SportsNation with Colin Cowherd, and although she’s definitely I feel like she comes off as kind of a guy in that show. Nonetheless she would be incredibly fun to hang out with.  Dana Jacobson gets points just for having to work with the insufferable Skip Bayless, who probably is one of the worst five people in America.  She also does chugs Grey Goose at speaking engagements which we fully support.  Linda Cohn is….uh….a true veteran, professional…and polished.  Pam Ward…moving on.  Finally, Ines Sainz doesn’t work for ESPN yet, but she could someday.  Inez is the Spanish reporter who was offended by “cat calls” she received in the Jets locker room trying to interview Mark Sanchez.  Ines wears ridiculous outfits with her thong out and walks right into a locker room, but says “I’m a sports reporter, not a piece of meat!”  You can’t have it both ways Ines.  Either way, we’re not complaining as Ines is ridiculously hot.  And there are countless others.  ESPN will surely continue to evolve, adding more channels and more women reporters. We’ll be watching, hopefully sitting next to the 0.1% of the female population that can talk sports with the guys but you still want to get with afterward.  

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9 Responses to “The Girls of ESPN”

  1. tyler May 17, 2011 at 11:00 am #

    Really? You put Rachel Nichols and HANNAH STORM above Michelle Beadle? No wonder I’ve never heard of your site.

    • dezznutz1001 May 17, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

      I love that Kornhole-hieser got suspended, but I hate that its for soemthing he said that was ACTUALLY true.

      You need to dress your age Hannah, even if you look good for your age

  2. Don'tTazeMeBro May 17, 2011 at 11:02 am #

    Michelle Beadle is hot but almost surely has a penis.

  3. dezznutz1001 May 17, 2011 at 1:32 pm #

    Erin Andrews is far and away #1 on this list

    As for Rachel, I thought the reason you dotn see any “skin” from here is cuz she has tattoos on her arms and elsewhere…but maybe the reason thye dont is because of what you said about her big hips

  4. Brew May 17, 2011 at 6:10 pm #

    Hey dick, Erin Andrews = Owen Wilson’s nose + Sarah Jessica Parkers face + the body of a WNBA player. Straight hoodrat. Hannah Storm is a real woman – reminiscent of the Dame Judy Dench.

  5. Dimitri May 18, 2011 at 10:26 pm #

    Where is Reischea Canidate?

  6. darklighter May 25, 2011 at 3:29 pm #

    Did Brew ACTUALLY use Dame Judy Dench in his argument as a good thing?

  7. Adisa September 11, 2012 at 2:51 am #

    No Ass Erin. I don’t think so. Jemele Hill, Yes!

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