There are few things in life that you can depend on. “Death and Taxes” is what old cynics say, but in reality there are a few others. Getting blackout and commenting on who gained the most weight since high school on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, for example. Spending hundreds of dollars more on New Year’s Eve than you wanted to because “It’s New Year’s Eve, the best night of the year” only to realize 2 hours in that NYE has literally never lived up to expectations. Holidays come and go like clockwork, and now so do Fast and the Furious movies. Every year, moviegoers can depend on the franchise to release an entry with every character the audience wants (whether dead or alive), six of the most ridiculous and implausible car scenes you’ll ever see in your life, and at least one scene where Vin Diesel/Paul Walker’s acting is so bad that the audience literally laughs at him in a serious scene. Every summer, an academic on his way to that new French subtitled film that “the New Yorker just loved!” scoffs at me as I march to the theater, but why? I can’t think of a series that more successfully gives the audience exactly what they pay $12 to see. Oh you liked the asian guy from Tokyo Drift? A normal screenwriter would explain that he died in the third movie. Fast and the Furious puts him in the new one anyway, gives him a different name, and makes some offhand comment about this being a “prequel.” Problem solved. Fast Five brings it to the next level, inserting The Rock into the fold, pumping him full of steroids (seriously, people laughed in the theater when he walked onto the screen), along with Ludacris, Tyrese, two famous Brazilian rappers, and three of the hottest girls you’ve ever seen. This brings us to the aim of this article: Fast Five’s unfathomably hot women. The first is Jordana Brewster, one of our longtime favorites at NSD and someone who should be a LOT more famous than she is. Jordana is the rock of the series, the love interest of Paul Walker, and a great driver in her own right. While she still reigns as the hottest girl of the series, two relative newcomers put her to the test in Fast Five. One is Gal Gadot, who you may remember from Fast and Furious (aka the fourth in the series. See what they did there? They just took out “the” in the title from the first one. Pretty smart). Gal is apparently a huge celebrity in Israel, where she hails and has graced the cover of Maxim several times. She steals the movie in the pool scene in Fast Five you’ve probably seen in the previews, and has safely secured her spot in next year’s 6Fast6Furious (I really hope they call it that. Either that or Fast and Furious: Sixth Gear). Finally, we come to Elsa Pataky, the only girl in Fast Five who was in none of the previous films in the series. Elsa has some kind of backstory with Vin Diesel, but now is a cop working with The Rock to take Vin down. This doesn’t stop Vin from using his patented “look at me in this wife beater while I break laws and race cars” game on her, and let’s just say we may be seeing her in future movies. Elsa is a famous Spanish actress, but I have a feeling you’ll be seeing her in a lot more American movies from now on. One more thing: make sure you stay for the credits, because there’s a teaser in there for what to expect from Fast and Furious: Sixth Gear (working title). This very famous actress who starred in an older film in the series may singlehandedly blow all three of the above out of the water. See for yourself after some more pictures below…..
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